Tales from the Locker Room

Monday Morning

By

Skytower

When I tell people what I do they generally laugh at me. Not really having an ego I don't mind. I mean when you think about it is kinda silly. A 12inch tall gnome as a lackey? What sort of self-respecting supervillain would have a 12inch tall gnome as a lackey? And besides whom would want to be a lackey anyway? The hours are long, the pay negligible or non-existent and the people you have to work for… Well that's a story in itself. Let me put it this way, everyone knows about Lex Luthor's doomsday machine, but how many people know the 3^rd shift technician who worked Sundays and holidays to put it together? Doomsday machines aren't put together overnight you know, and seldom are they the work of one being (despite what most of those super-ego'd types would tell you; "I worked night and day…", let me tell you that almost never happens. What they should say is "I had lackey's working night and day while I lounged by the pool with supermodels and occasionally yelled at said lackey's to keep working or die"). From experience I can tell you that Mr.Luthor is not the type to get his hands dirty.

But anyway that's what I am. A lackey. Sometimes I tell people I'm a former lackey, which gets me stared at or (if I'm talking to a superhero/heroine) threatened with arrest. It's kinda annoying when they try to arrest me and I defeat them, strip them and leave them hog tied in the middle of the room. I don't know why but some of them take that sort of thing personally. Maybe because I sell their costumes. Oh well.

Anyway, I am at the moment a lackey between jobs. My former evil mistress (Wicked Wanda) is stuck in a torment machine for the next 500 years and when she gets out I don't think she'll want me back. And the job of lackey isn't an easy one to get. So I earn a meager living selling various villain gadgets, torture machines and stories to the National Enquirer. This is where being 12inches tall really comes in handy. In a corner of the Watchtower, home of the Justice League, is a box full of discarded super hero action figures. They use them sometimes to demonstrate fighting moves. Sitting in that box I have an un-obstructed view of the gym, showers, lockers and the hot tub. To put it plainly I can see and hear everything. And I can state right here that a heroine in a hot tub talks like she's soaking in truth serum. The gossip I've heard would curl your ears and stiffen your manhood. (Or, if you’re a woman and inclined that way, get you really, really hot). I can't get pictures because of the security system, but I can teleport into the place with just a few essentials and a notebook.

It sounds more exiting than it really is. Sure I've seen Wonder Woman and all of the others naked, but that gets boring after a while. Still sometimes I get lucky and something exiting happens that I can sell to the Enquirer. Some little tidbit like Wonder Girl's tattoo or the fact that SuperGirl used her heat vision to give Power Girl a pubic area shave. I get lucky sometimes. This time I got really incredibly lucky.

I was in the locker room, doing my best to blend in with the toys, snug in my Buzz Lightyear costume (tip, if you want to sneak around wear a suit from a Disney movie) when in walks Wonder Woman with Wonder Girl, Mary Marvel and ten other women. One of the women was wearing a long green and white polka-dotted silk skirt that was semi-transparent, a sort of brass-bra with red straps and snakehead crown. She was a looker, with white hair, regal features and a good, if somewhat plump body. She and all of the women were wearing wide golden belts around their waist. The other women were wearing red jumpsuits and they all looked more or less like Maxim models. I knew the woman in the crown. She was Clea, excuse me, Queen Clea, of Atlantis. None of the women looked in good shape. Their cloths were covered with grease and mud.

"It was very wrong of you to try and escape Transformation Island." Wonder Woman told Clea. She looked down at the queen, but at nearly six feet WW looks down on a lot of people.

"I know mistress." Clea said hanging her head. Her voice was strained with two emotions, anger and regret. I was amazed. This isn't the way supervillains usually talk.

"Taking control of the Watchtower was a bad idea too. Not to mention hiding out in hydroponics when you failed." Wonder Girl spoke up. She's a few inches shorter than her sister.

"I'm sorry mistress." Clea said again.

I was really curious as to what was going on at this point. I mean I've worked for Queen Clea, the only time I ever heard her say the words: "I'm sorry" was when she executed the wrong guy.

"Look after them Dru." Wonder Woman said to Wonder Girl. "I'll radio mother to send a ship for them."

"Right." Wonder Girl said.

As soon as Wonder Woman walked out of the room Drusilla turned to the women.

"Ok, we can't send you to the island like you are, so everyone take off your cloths and take a shower, but keep those Venus girdles on."

Venus girdles? What the hell was a girdle? A brief aside here, I wasn't raised on Earth. A lot of what humans do and wear still puzzle me (explain to me the practical use of a neck-tie? Please?) and I had to look up the word girdle later. Luckily it was an easy question to solve as the woman proceeded to take off all their cloths but the gold belts. I'm not that jaded that ten gorgeous women soaping each other up in the shower doesn't get me going, but I stayed where I was and listened. Of course while I was listening I was watching the breasts parade.

"I can't believe the change that's come over them." Mary said as the women walked into the shower. She was blushing beet red and looked away from them. Mary is like that. She's slim, fresh faced and about as hung up about sex as they come. Looking at her standing next to full figured top heavy Wonder Girl is like looking at Nancy Drew and Mae West.

"It's the magic Venus Girdles." Dru said. "They magically remove all desire to do evil and compels obedience to loving authority.

"Sort of like your lasso?"

"Yes." Dru nodded. "But you don't have to be in physical contact. Radiations from the girdles affect certain areas of the brain. If you wear one long enough your desire to please and obey exceeds all else."

"Gosh that could be dangerous." Mary said. She actually said "gosh". Out loud.

"It could be in the hands of men." Dru said. "But women are far too wise to miss-use such power."

Oh yea… Right. I'd seen Wonder Girl use her lasso on Mary Marvel and SuperGirl many a time, to put it bluntly, Dru is a horny girl bordering on nymphomania, and even if Mary didn't remember all those juicy encounters I did. Still this was an opportunity I wasn't going to pass up. As I mentioned before I was between jobs. Those belts could fetch a hefty price on EvilEbay (the websight where supervillains buy and trade evil stuff, meeting in alleys just isn't done anymore). Besides I had worked for Queen Clea in the past and I felt I owed her, even if her palace collapsing that time wasn't really my fault. Honest.

"Do you want to clean up while I watch them?" Mary asked.

"You want to watch them?" Dru teased.

"NO!" Mary said blushing. "But I can clean up fast. Shazzam."

There was a flash of lightning and a puff of smoke and Mary went from being a costumed heroine to a girl next door. Basically it's a costume change. Now she was wearing a white blouse and blue skirt and was perfectly clean. She was also depowered and I was grateful for that.

"You have it too easy." Dru said going over to one of the lockers.

While the two of them talked about cleaning tips I was inside the air duct and through a secret door I had put in it a while back. My main problem was, how to get the girdles, free Queen Clea and not get caught or even suspected. One of the good things being a lackey teaches you is not to be noticed. If you get noticed, you get stepped on, sometimes literally. So far the Justice Leaque, if they knew of me at all, knew me as a harmless lackey of a defeated villainess. Hero's don't waste time going after lackeys, well… at least not the pro's. Usually when someone comes after me it's newbie who thinks I'm an actual supervillain. Those are the ones I usually strip and hogtie. (Don't let the size fool you, I'm a little dangerous). The point is I don't fool myself into thinking I could win an all out battle with any of the big guys(or girls or women to be pc about it). So I try to stay under the radar. But how was I going to do that and get the girdles and help Queen Clea?

Well the first step was to help Clea and her group help themselves. I had a good idea how to do that and they were helping me by spending so much time in the shower. I put on a pair of xray glasses so I could keep track of them. The queen was in one corner being washed by two of her girls, the others were scattered about the shower room. Dru had left her costume outside and was cleaning herself off. Those Venus girdles must have packed quite a punch, here a heroine was naked and powerless not 2 feet away from them and the villains weren't moving. Infact one of them handed Dru the soap when she dropped it.

I went over to the main water feed pipe and pulled out a small drill. The Watchtower may be high tech in everything else, but the plumbing is still copper. A few seconds of drilling and I had a small leak bubbling up through a hole. I made a second hole a few millimeters away. Then I took two cartridges from my belt and put them over the holes and opened them up slowly. The first cartridge contained a super slick oil. I bring that because the air ducts in the Watchtower are interspersed with glue traps and I'd gotten caught in one once. The second contained a shrinking potion that I always carry with me. You never know when you're going to meet a girl who wants to share your 12 inch height and have some fun. It hasn't happened yet, but I'm prepared in case it does.

It took a few minutes for the combined potions to have an effect. Queen Clea and her girls were rinsing off and as they raised their arms the girdles fell off their bodies and onto the floor. Ripples of astonishment ran through them all, which the queen promptly hushed. I stopped the shrinking potion while they made their plans. While I was repairing the hole in the pipe they sneaked up on Dru.

I tell you it took a lot of self control for me to finish the repair job on the pipe. Try to imagine 11 beautiful naked women, then imagine them in a shower, then imagine them wrestling. On top of the have them all oiled up so that no one can get a grip on anything. The result looked like a cross between an Xrated 3 Stooges short and a women in prison flick. They grabbed Dru from behind but they couldn't get a grip and suddenly they were all on the floor flopping around like the Keystone cops! The breasts were bouncing so hard I thought it would knock the Watchtower out of orbit. After a few seconds Dru called Mary for help and she rushed right in, slipped and fell into the melee.

While all this was going on I repaired the second hole and opened one of the panels behind the lights. By this time Dru had a Venus girdle around her waist. Mary was putting up a good fight but she didn't have long. Clea was hand gagging her while two girls grabbed her arms and three more grabbed her legs. Mary's cloths were both shredded and plastered to her body.

It only took a few pushed wires to short the lights and plunge the room into darkness. Luckily my xray specs were good for night vision too so I dropped down to the floor and grabbed every golden girdle I could. Then I dropped a small explosive charge down the drain and hotfooted it over to the toy box again. Even in the darkness Clea and her group hadn't given up. Dru and Mary were both wearing girdles by then and Clea was calling for the lights. I jumped behind the toy box and waited for a few seconds. The lights came on again and Wonder Woman appeared at the doorway.

"Attack!" Clea called.

Well they tried. But the oil was still all over them so it was all her women could do to stand up. Wonder Woman stood looking at all this for a moment and I decided the time was right. I hit the explosive and suddenly every drain in the shower vented directly into open space. The results were incredible. The temperature dropped about 30 degrees and a cyclone was born. Alarms that could have deafened somebody with no ears shrieked like doomsday.

It was all pretty much what I wanted to happen. With the Watchtowers computers busy keeping the place in orbit and in one piece I was able to teleport myself and the 8 Venus girdles out of there. The damage done by the bomb would cover my work and the super slick oil breaks down quickly in cold temperature so they'd never figure it out. I was home free with 8 girdles and as a bonus one of Dru's bracelets that the wind hit me with just before I teleported out.

I tell ya, when you’re a lackey and your out of work you just have to get lucky sometimes.

End.

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