The Sad Saga of Stella:
The Swinging Stellar Sister of the Seventies!
By Marcus Lycus
Welcome to my new series, “The Sad Saga of Stella: The Swinging Stellar Sister of the Seventies!” or S7 for short!
I’ve been hinting at this story for a while in my earlier series the Global Protectors and now it is finally ready to be told.
This series is based on a simple idea, what if the 70s versions of Supergirl and Batgirl were in a more… extreme version of the 70’s? What if they were doing coke in Studio 54, hooking up in the men’s room of discos, swinging at Andy Warhol’s Factory? What if they ended up like Elvis, Gia or the other doomed celebrities of that decade?
I mean Supergirl was going around in hot pants with no bra, there must have been something going on!
And it lets me make fun of old DC and Marvel comics of course. That’s just taken for granted.
If you like this, my other stories can be found at:
http://www.superheroinecentral.com/~wizard/Stories_MarcusLycus.htm
Legal Horrors – Stella, the Minx and other characters are copyright and trademark Marcus Lycus. All rights reserved.
What does that mean? It means that if you want to use any characters in another story you need my permission. It also means that you can’t repost this story without my permission.
And since this story is meant for people over the age of 18, please don’t read it if you are younger than that.
Any resemblance between characters in this story and any actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental of course.
And finally, please e-mail me with any comments, complaints or suggestions. Remember feedback leads to more stories!
Marcus Lycus
October 2007
Issue 0 – The Past is a Prologue
2007, the present…
Her hand raises the remote and turns on the TV. The show is just starting. She settles back into the couch with a smile.
“Tonight on a special edition of ‘Behind the Mask’ we have the epic story of the superheroine who was once called ‘the Girl of Stars’. This is the story of how one young woman became America’s wholesome sweetheart, then America’s sexiest heroine only to descend into an abyss of drugs, sex and humiliation. Tonight we have the Story of Stella!”
The program showed her then, a young petite blonde wearing a blue mini-dress, a red cape and red boots. Her shoulder-length hair is neatly styled. She saves a cat from a tree and smiles at the camera. She beams, radiating joy, confidence and courage. Happy, heroic music plays.
Then the music turns sexy with a strong disco beat, almost like a porn soundtrack. And there she was again in her most famous costume. The little girl is now a long-legged blonde dressed in bright red hot pants, red ballet slippers and a loose blue top. Disco lights strobe and she gyrates in time with the music. An anonymous man came up behind her and wraps his strong arms around her breasts, she turns her head and starts necking with him.
The music turns sad and now the blond heroine is at the White House. Her mouth is slightly open and her blue eyes glazed. She looks confused, uncertain as if she isn’t sure why she’s there. Or even where she is. The President puts a metal around her neck and she barely notices. Then she collapses.
“How did this happen? Stay tuned, we’ll be back after these messages!”
The viewer smiled again. She hardly needed to see the documentary, she’d been there after all, she knew things the networks would never learn. She sat back and remembered that day in 1969, the day it all began…
Issue 1 – Bent Silver
1969, the end of an era.
Once upon a time heroes were pure and uncorrupted. They never swore, they never got hurt and they never, ever, failed.
And now that time was ending.
***
Stellar Man – Twenty years ago a strange visitor from another world, a being of pure energy and benevolence arrived on our planet and bonded with a young Kansas farm boy. The boy was changed forever, endowed with immense powers of Stellar Strength, Stellar Power, Stellar Senses, Stellar Speed and Stellar Intellect, all fed by our yellow sun. He swore to defend the Earth against all alien threats, first as Stellar Boy and now as Stellar Man: The Man of the Stars. Since then had has protected us from such threats as Claudius Crowe and Univac the Conqueror. He is the most powerful hero of this age… – The Kirby Guide to Heroes, 1969 Edition
Night Fox – Since 1949 this masked crime-crusader has defended the
people of Gothic Heights from all manners of criminals. The Crafty
Crusader trained himself in every field from Archeology to Zoology to fight
crime and used advanced vehicles and equipment to bring them to justice.
Assisted by Ferret the Boy Wonder, Night Fox is world’s greatest detective and
the cleverest hero of this age… – The Kirby Guide to Heroes and Heroines,
1969 Edition
***
The Flying Fox handled like a dream as it passed over miles of Canadian tundra. NORAD radars registered nothing more than a shadow as the advanced stealth technology concealed it from their prying eyes. The pilot smiled as the onboard computer registered another attempt to detect it. Her mentor did a good job, this jet was at least 20 years ahead of its time. It was a bit of a relief, she didn’t want to start World War III while on this mission.
Soon she saw the navigation markers and other clues. She adjusted course, circled a few times and landed the Flying Fox next to the massive golden key concealed in the shadow of a glacier.
Night Fox Girl, the Girl Wonder, opened the cockpit with a shiver. This version of her tan and brown costume was insulated and heated but even so she still felt the artic cold. The dark-haired beauty looked up at the key. It was 100’ long and weighted tons. The massive gold door it opened was a mile away and on the side of steep glacier. Clearly she had no hope of entering that way, but her host had made allowances for mere mortals.
She checked her mentor’s notes and checked her coordinates against the Fox Computer’s Global Positioning System. Once she was sure, she used a Fox Grenade to melt a crack in the ice and found a tunnel. Night Fox Girl used the 127 digit combination to open the trap door and submitted to a genetic scan before she was allowed in. As she left the cold and entered her destination she wondered what she might find there.
***
Night Fox Girl – This female counterpart to Night Fox first appeared five years ago. At first it seemed she was a mere amateur as she was captured, tied up, and put in elaborate deathtraps every week. But over time she began to display skills at least on par with Ferret the Boy Wonder. She wears a tan, skin-tight costume with a stylized black fox head across her breasts and a yellow utility belt. A dark brown cape and cowl cover her head but allow her mane of black hair to spill out the back. Brown leather gloves and books complete the outfit. – The Kirby Guide to Heroes and Heroines, 1969 Edition
***
“Hello?” She called out as she walked along the icy tunnel. She was very worried. Her host could see atoms dancing in the sun, he could hear a sparrow singing in Argentina, how could he not know she was here? More importantly, why had the most powerful superhero in history needed to send a distress call to an ordinary human? Even someone with Night Fox’s skills was no match for Stellar Man. What good could Night Fox’s female apprentice do?
The caped girl shook her head, she had to get that inferiority complex out of her head. After the events of the last month she was it, she had to do Night Fox’s job, and she had to believe enough in herself to know she could do it right.
The tunnel turned into stairs and the air finally grew warmer. The staircase grew wider and then…
She was there!
***
The Citadel of Isolation – This legendary headquarters of Stellar Man is hidden somewhere in the artic wastes far from human civilization. Only a few of his most trusted allies and friends have seen it. Reports say it is filled with exotic alien technology, trophies from his greatest battles and even robot doubles of him and all his friends. – The Kirby Guide to Headquarters, Vehicles and Equipment, 1969 Edition.
***
It was even more amazing than she had dreamed! The walls glittered like diamonds (not surprising since Stellar Man made them from carbon he had compressed into diamond-hard bricks), the wreckage of flying saucers and alien weapons were displayed with neat tags identifying each item. Above everything hung the RMS Lusitania which Stellar Man traveled through time to rescue. The hall was amazing, it was awesome, it made the Fox Den look like a toy store, it had everything! Everything except…
“Stellar Man? Hello? It’s me, it’s uh, Night Fox Girl, you uh, called for me?”
Stellar Man’s automated distress signal had actually called for Night Fox but Night Fox Girl didn’t feel like splitting hairs.
Not that it mattered. Her questions echoed through the cold fortress, there was no answer. She wandered past statues of Stellar Man’s friends and foes. There were life-sized versions of his girlfriend Polly Path, his pal Timmy O’Leary, even Night Fox himself. Opposite them were his greatest foes; the witch Selena Lune, the evil robot Univac and the evil genius Claudius Crowe. Seeing them there was creepy, was one of them responsible for Stellar Man’s trouble?
Then…
“Sob…”
The amplifiers in Night Fox Girl’s pointy ears picked up a soft sob coming from the inert body of Claudius Crowe’s Invincibot. The heroine remembered reading about that battle, the robot was made from some alien metal even Stellar Man could not break. The hero had finally defeated it by draining its power cells. Had it somehow been reactivated?
She heard another sob from behind it. It didn’t sound like Stellar Man or even one of his foes, she decided to be careful. A quick flick of the wrist fired a Fox Line from her glove up to the robot and the agile adventuress climbed it easily. Creeping along it’s dented head she peaked over the other side and discovered…
Stellar Girl?
***
Stellar Girl – As Stellar Man’s cousin, the Girl of the Stars has all of his powers. She spent years as Stellar Man’s ‘secret weapon’ practicing her powers and helping him out but was finally revealed to the world just last year. This skinny blue-eyed blonde wears a femine version of Stellar Man’s iconic costume, a blue minidress with his ‘S’ symbol proudly displayed across her chest, a red cape and red boots. This shy, unassuming, well-mannered heroine is a true role model for girls across America in these troubled times of women lib. – The Kirby Guide to Heroes and Heroines, 1969 Edition
***
The most powerful girl on the planet was curled in a ball wrapped in her cape and sobbing quietly. Night Fox Girl looked left and right but still saw no threat, certainly nothing that could threaten Stellar Man’s cousin like this. Taking the direct approach she jumped down and landed lightly in front of the star-powered heroine.
“Stellar Girl? Lynn? It’s me, Gloria, remember we teamed up against Claudius Crowe and the Jester?”
The blonde didn’t respond. She kneeled down in front of Stella.
“Are you all right? I came as soon as I got the signal.”
“AH!” The girl jumped, dropping a marble that rolled under the robot. She looked up and blinked some tears from her eyes, Night Fox Girl extended a hand and helped her to her feet. Stellar Girl collapsed into her arms sobbing loudly. She cried openly on her friend’s shoulder finally crying out; “He’s GONE! Oh Gloria, he’s gone forever!”
“Hush now, hush, Lynn it’s going to be OK. Just tell me what happened, I’m sure I can help.”
Stellar Girl just held her for several minutes until she finally began to pull herself together. “Oh Gloria, I don’t know what to say… it’s terrible. It’s like some hoax or dream or imaginary story but it’s really real!”
“Maybe you have better show me OK? I’m sure once I take a look it will all be OK.”
“Oh I wish you were right but… but… I’d better show you.”
The blonde heroine started to walk down a massive corridor. Night Fox Girl warily followed, looking at the diamond walls and incomprehensible devices. What possible danger could there be in this impenetrable fortress? The corridor was longer than she expected, the Citadel was designed for the likes of Stellar Man who could fly, not for mere mortals who had to walk. They passed the Hall of Forbidden Weapons, the Interdimensional Zoo, the micro world of Veritas and other marvels. Stellar Girl was silent for the entire trip. Finally they arrived at human-sized door simply labeled ‘Personal Quarters’.
“In here… I… I’ll wait outside if it’s OK.”
Night Fox Girl steeled herself and opened the door.
***
It was a bedroom, ordinary and human-sized, unlike the massive halls in the rest of the fortress. The walls were wood and plaster not ice and diamond and furnishings were from the 20th century, not futuristic. It was modestly but tastefully decorated bedroom that would not seem out of place in a suburban home.
Except for the fact it was covered in blood.
Night Fox Girl allowed herself a moment of shock before her training took over. Her father was police commissioner, she had been trained by the world’s greatest detective, she started to examine the crime scene.
There were a few oddities besides the blood. A woman’s outfit on the floor, a coat rack twisted into a pretzel shape, a bag on the dresser. But there was no sign of a struggle.
Night Fox Girl decided to ignore the obvious for the moment and learn a bit about this ordinary looking-room in this extraordinary fortress. One dresser held men’s clothing, various shirts, pants and jeans. Another had women’s clothing, all of it lingerie. Interesting.
The foxy crime-fighter noticed scuffing on the carpet in front of a bare patch of the wall. Careful examination located the outline of a hidden door and a small catch. She pushed it and the door slip open with a hiss. Night Fox Girl gasped when it opened, it was a woman dressed only in a sheer nightgown standing motionless in a tiny cabinet. The woman’s head was lowered and she was not breathing. The face looked familiar but she just could not place it. After a moment the heroine felt the woman’s hand, no pulse, no reaction. Night Fox Girl took off her glove and felt the skin, it was cold, rubbery, hairless. It looked human but was clearly a robot. She lowered the hand and closed the secret door. Interesting.
She turned her attention to the blood. The bed seemed to be the center of it. She sheets were rumpled as if someone had been having a restless night. The deepest pool of blood was in the center then there was a splattered trail of it going across the room to the far wall. She reached into her utility belt for a microfilm camera and snapped a picture. She followed the trail across the room, careful not to disturb the blood and behind the wardrobe she made a grisly discovery.
This time she recognized the face immediately, Polly Path. At least what was left of her. Polly was an ace reporter who liked to call herself Stellar Man’s girlfriend. All that was left was her torso and head and the scorched remains of a pink nighty. Night Fox Girl shook her head, now it was obvious what had happened.
Recently she’d seen an essay by a man named Larry Niven; Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex, speculating what would happen if a super-strong hero ever tried to have sex with an ordinary woman. His results weren’t pretty. Imagine trying to have sex while holding an egg in each hand and you get the idea.
And apparently old Larry was right after all. But surely Stellar Man must have known this! He was always so careful around ordinary humans, how could he even think of…
A burnt machine on the dresser caught her eye. At first glance it appeared to be an ordinary desk lamp but careful examination showed it had several red lenses angled towards the bed. But the lenses were burned out as if by a power surge or malfunction. Now it was all clear. She could see how it must have happened…
***
24 hours earlier…
At dawn Stellar Man flew over Megapolis, the city he called home. For more than fifteen years he had protected this city, this world, from all threats. He circled Shooter Tower taking in the sunlight reflecting off its chrome spire and glass windows. He flew low into the concrete canyons of Rich Street attracting waves from the stockbrokers and bankers heading to work early and then up Lodge Drive where the exclusive shops and boutiques were just opening.
Traveling through space and time he had seen wonders beyond human comprehension, but Megapolis was his favorite place, dawn over this city his favorite sight.
But even from here signs of urban decay were obvious. Graffiti on the elevated trains, trash in the alleyways, bums and junkies roamed the streets in the bad part of town. Even the warehouse district, once home of such great companies as Fawcett, Charleston and Key, was beginning to decay as jobs went to Japan and Taiwan. Stellar Man shook his head. He could move planets with his hands but some things were beyond his power. The way things were going the 70’s were going to be dark age indeed.
He turned north at Siegel Square and headed for the Daily Comet building. This art-deco masterpiece was capped with a rotating golden comet, a Megapolis landmark. It was also the workplace of Stellar Man’s secret identity, mild-mannered reporter Ken Clarkson. He was aiming for the supply room where he could change when a figure on the roof caught his eye. She waved once and then seemingly ‘fell’ off the building.
Stellar Man smirked and flew after her. This was such a cliché.
Polly Path laughed as the windows whizzed by and ground loomed towards her. She wasn’t the least bit afraid. She knew what would happen.
There was a rush of wind and a violet comet streaked by. Strong arms cradled the ace reporter and now she was not falling, she was floating and rising above it all.
A few bystanders in the street cheered.
She leaned over and gave Stellar Man a kiss on the cheek. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”
Stellar Man blushed and tried to keep a straight face. “You know Miss Path, you should learn to be more careful, that roof is very treacherous, it’s lucky I was…” He stopped, he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep a straight face. He started to chuckle, to giggle, to laugh and she was laughing too. They arrived at the roof and he put her down, but did not let her go. There was an awkward moment and he turned away. “I, uh, have to finish my patrol now, Miss Path, please try to stay out of danger-“
“Stellar Man wait! I need to talk to you. I have an assignment and I need your help!”
“Miss Path I have serious responsibilities and cannot simply drop everything to help with your-“
Her slim arms wrapped around his broad shoulders. He could feel her breath on his ear. He suddenly regretted having a skintight costume as his interest in her became apparent.
“Oh but I really need your help Stellar Man, in fact without you I don’t know what I will do.”
“I-“
“I won’t impose, not at all, but the editor wants me to do a story about your Citadel of Isolation and I promised him I’d get the story. You won’t make me break a promise will you? And you said yesterday you have to do some research there anyway.”
“B-but you’ve seen the Citadel many times, you wrote about last year for the Stellar Man Fair, why-“
“Oh I’ve seen a little of it, but not all, not the… private areas.”
“P-Polly you know I can’t show you certain places, it might jeopardize my secrets!”
“Oh you! We both know you can hide anything long before I see it. And even if I do learn something surely you can trust me by now? You do… trust me don’t you? I like to think we have a special relationship.”
Stellar Man grit his teeth, he hated it when she used that line. For years newspapers and gossip columnists had called Polly Path Stellar Man’s girlfriend and there was no denying he was attracted to her. But he had told her many times it was impossible. His enemies would strike at her to get revenge on him, and with his strength if he ever even tried to mate with an ordinary human…
No.
It couldn’t be. It was impossible. Not with Polly. Not with any woman. Ever.
But… if it was possible… Polly’s daring personality, her courage, her spunk made her almost irresistible. Almost.
“Please…”
Surely he could spend an afternoon with the woman he lo- the woman he liked. Surely no harm could come from that. And if she did see something she wasn’t supposed to, well there was always Stellar Hypnosis to erase those pesky memories. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d used it.
“I guess.”
***
Swaddled safely in his cape Polly hummed happily the whole flight up to the artic. She had been there before, she had seen Stellar Man lift his 100 ton key and open the nuclear-bomb-proof door to the Citadel but it still took her breath away.
They wandered the main hall for a while, Polly asked about some of the newer trophies. Stellar Man spoke at length about some his recent adventures, saving the people of the year 3000 AD from Martian invaders, turning back a gigantic space whale that threatened to eat the sun and rebuilding the ruins on Venus for some alien archeologists. Polly had heard it all before and took it in stride asking penetrating questions and putting things together. That was what he loved about her. Polly was the only woman he’d met who would walk up to a god and demand an interview.
She took out her camera and took some pictures. Stellar Man used that time to check up on the robot who was taking the place of his secret identity back in Megapolis. The robotic Ken Clarkson was dutifully typing up an article about how victory in Vietnam was just around the corner. No one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary about him. Stellar Man smiled, his co-workers were so easy to fool, and they called themselves reporters. Only Polly ever seemed to notice how Ken Clarkson and Stellar Man were never in the same place or how much Ken looked like Stellar Man with a pair of glasses and even she had never been able to prove it.
But when he looked back Polly was gone. He quickly swept the Citadel with his Stellar Senses but found no sign of her. Fear gripped his heart, there was all sort of dangerous technology in the Citadel, Polly’s impulsive ways might get her in trouble. Stellar Man quickly flew throughout the Citadel searching for her.
Even with his speed it was several minutes before he located her in the bedroom he had made.
“Polly, how did you get-“
“Now, now Stellar Man, a woman has to have some mysteries huh? So this is interesting, an ordinary human bedroom in the middle of your secret fortress. Who is this for? Mrs. Stellar Man? Your English butler? Visitors from out of town?”
Stellar Man hesitated, at least Polly had not found the secret closet with her robot double. He shuddered to think what would happen if Polly ever found that or heard her programming.
“This is, um, as you said, for out of town guests or anyone normal who stays.”
“What about the clothes in the closet, all your size I might add.”
“Well, to tell the truth I am human… sometimes I just want to act normal, watch TV, read a book, this is my… my rec room I guess.”
“I see… and what sort of recreation are you planning for today Stellar Man? Hmm?” She snuggled up close to him and kissed, he turned his cheek and blushed again.
“Now Miss Path you know I have no-“
“But if you did?”
“Miss Path you know I could never have a girlfriend, my enemies would strike at her for rev-“
“But how would they know what you do here in your secret fortress? I thought no one could get in?”
“Yes but-“
“So here? Now?”
Stellar Man swallowed hard and crossed his legs awkwardly. He could smell her pheromones, hear her heartbeat. His body was already demanding it, he fought down the urge. “There is, there is another reason Polly-Miss Path.” He walked to the metal coat rack and took it in both hands. He easily twisted it into a pretzel and dropped it. “That was steel. Imagine what my hands could do to a normal human, to you, if I ever lost control. I’m sorry Polly, I truly am but it’s impossible, my powers-“
“So you say if you were sure of your privacy and didn’t have to worry about your powers then it would be possible.”
“I… I guess but what’s the point of speculation? I’m sorry Polly, don’t think I haven’t thought about it but… what is that?” Stellar Man pointed at the strange lamp Polly had pulled from her bag and set on the table.
“Oh this? This just might be the solution to all of our problems.” She flipped a switch and a red spotlight engulfed Stellar Man.
“Polly what are you doing!” The man of the stars felt like he had gone blind! Suddenly he could see nothing outside this room, hear nothing but her voice. His muscles and skin lost their strength becoming just as soft and weak as any mortal’s. He was powerless.
Polly began to unbutton her top, she wasn’t wearing any underwear, just a sheer pink nighty. Even without his Stellar Sight he could see her breasts through the thin material. She unzipped her skirt and it fell to the ground. She wasn’t wearing panties either and the dark hairs of her nether region were visible as well.
“I…” She put a finger to his lips and a hand on his chest. With a light shove she pushed him on to the bed. The world’s most powerful man didn’t resist. She climbed on top of him and begun undoing his yellow belt.
“A friend got that for me. Your powers come from our yellow sun, under a red sun you lose them. Simple really. No foes to worry about, no man of steel woman of Kleenex, just an ordinary man and an ordinary woman doing what comes naturally.
She pulled down his blue tights and red briefs. Stellar Man muttered something incoherent.
“Don’t worry Stellar Man, Polly took care of everything.” She leaned down and kissed the man of her dreams. He reached up towards her breasts.
***
“Obviously the red sun lamp failed at a critical moment and… boom” Night Fox Girl muttered and then winced. What a way to go.
“I hope it was worth it” she whispered to Polly’s torso.
She examined the lamp carefully. The technology was very advanced, she made a note to follow up on its origins. That and a few other details were bugging her.
But the most important question right now was where is Stellar Man? She headed back out to talk to Stellar as she remembered Stellar Man’s last message...
***
Deep in the Fox’s Den, Night Fox Girl hopped off her motorcycle and headed for the shower. It had been a hard night’s patrol. The criminal element seemed to be getting worse, rumors about Night Fox were spreading and his female protégé had to work overtime to show them Gothic Heights was still protected.
A light on the Fox Computer was blinking, she’d never seen it before. It was marked only with Stellar Man’s ‘S’ symbol. She flipped the switch under it and the hero’s face appeared on the screen.
“Hello old chum, if you are getting this message then I may already be dead. The sensors in my Citadel are programmed to send this if anything ever happens to my vital signs. Please come to the Citadel immediately. My life may depend on it.”
Night Fox Girl replayed it three times letting its importance sink in. For a minute she thought about ignoring it, maybe it was a mistake or one of those tricks the two heroes liked to play on each other. Or maybe she could contact some other hero, Astroman or Ultrawoman. But she knew in her heart this message was for her, this was it. This was her test to see if she could really fill her mentor’s shoes.
She found the file on the Citadel of Isolation and headed for the Flying Fox.
***
Night Fox Girl walked out looking as pale as the icy walls around her. Stellar Girl was curled up in ball again. Sobbing.
“She did it…” Stellar Girl muttered. “She finally got to him that, that WITCH! And now he’s gone!”
“I guess that’s one version of what happened, but I’d bet your cousin was participating too” Night Fox Girl added.
Stellar Girl just sneered at her. The vigilante let it drop.
“So what happened next?”
“What happened? He’s gone!”
“So you found him I guess?”
“What? Yes, yes, I found him, he was covered in blood, it was all over his costume and his body and… and his thing. He killed her. He killed her and he’d sworn never to kill! So now he’s gone.”
“You keep saying that Stellar Girl, what do you mean gone? Gone where? Space? Another time? Another dimension? Some interstellar jail? Where did he go?”
“He’s just gone OK! I-, I don’t know! I don’t know! He’s gone and I’m alone!”
Their eyes locked, for a second Night Fox Girl saw colors swirling in Stellar Girl’s tears but then they were gone.
“Alone…” She started to sob again. Night Fox Girl knelt down and held her again. “It’s OK, Lynn, it’s OK.” They sat silently for a long time. Finally Night Fox Girl sighed loudly and put her arm around the blonde.
“He’s not the only one you know.”
“Huh?”
“Night Fox, he retired a month ago, him and Ferret.”
“What?”
“He’s been fighting crime since the 30s, since Night Shadow trained him. You couldn’t see it under his cowl but his hair was grey and his back was starting to go. Finally he got up one morning and could barely move. After almost 30 years of abuse his body just gave out. He and Ferret are moving to Florida.”
“Ferret the Boy Wonder? Why is he-?”
“Ferret started out in 1940 when he was 12. Do the math. He hasn’t been a ‘boy wonder’ in either of our lifetimes. It was just the short pants that made him look young. He’ll be taking care of Night Fox, they… they’re very close you know.”
“But… who’ll protect Gothic Heights? Who’ll defend the world? What will we do? I mean, they say I have all his powers but I don’t! Not really! I can fly and stuff but I can’t travel through time or move planets or anything… I don’t have his Stellar Intelligence, I can’t do the things my cousin did! He was the greatest… I’m not.”
“But you don’t really know that. Stellar Man’s powers increased over time, maybe yours will too. Especially now that you need them, now that you can’t be dependent on him anymore.”
“But we can’t!”
“Stellar Girl, listen. I’ve been defending Gothic Heights for a month now. Night Fox taught me everything he knows, that’s how I got your distress signal, that’s how I got in here in the first place.”
“But we’re just girls!”
“No, no we’re not! You’re 18 and I’m 23, we’re women! And maybe ten years ago no one would take us seriously but this is 1969! Soon it will be the 70’s a whole new era for women’s liberation! And together, we can be at the center of it! No more ‘finest heroes in the world’ from now on people will be talking about the ‘finest HEROINES in the world’! Are you with me?”
Stellar Girl blinked through her tears and nodded. She stood up and took Night Fox Girl’s hand the raised it high!
“Here’s to Stellar Girl and Night Fox Girl! The finest heroines in the world!”
Night Fox Girl laughed. “All right! But you know we might want to think about some new names…”
Afterword
Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex is a real essay by Larry Niven and is worth tracking down on the web. I nicked a few ideas from it. Of course I cheated a bit since it was published in 1971 but there you go.
Thanks to sites like http://www.superdickery.com for reminding us what an incredible dick the silver-age Superman was.
And to the fanfic writer Gangnet for his epic 70s story ‘Bent Silver’. This story is a poor imitation of his massive, universe-destroying x-rated parody of everything DC ever did. I don’t think it’s online these days but if you can find it, it’s a good read.
Marcus Lycus
October 2007
WIZARD'S LAIR MAIN
PAGE NEXT
CHAPTER