The Global Protectors – Seven Days
By Marcus_Lycus@hotmail.com
Hello and welcome to my fifth Global Protectors story; this one is 7 short stories about the GP and their misadventures in and out of costume.
Mostly out.
Y'know, in case you were worried.
And don't worry, no previous experience with the characters is needed, everything you need to know is in the story.
Just to cover the mandatory legalities, the Global Protectors, Ultra Woman and Dynamo are copyright Doctor Droid (www.superstories.net/droidzone), other characters and text are copyright Marcus Lycus.
Any resemblance between characters in this story and any actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially James Stock, he is a completely original character and not based on any movies about British secret agents. Honest!
Please e-mail me with any comments, complaints or suggestions. Remember feedback leads to more stories!
Meet the Global Protectors!
(From The Big Book of Superheroes and Heroines – 2004 Edition)
You’ve seen them on billboards, TV commercials, and music videos. Girls from 8 to 28 buy their clothes and shoes. Men and boys snatch up their magazines and posters. They’re the Global Protectors, 8 beautiful young women in skimpy costumes dedicated to saving the world and making a buck. The media likes to call them the Spice Girls of superheroes but the disdain of elitist commentators had done nothing to dent the popularity or profits of this group.
Four years ago the enigmatic Doctor Boyd perfected a process for creating superpowers by activating latent psychic energy in women. Since then he searched the world seeking out women with the wisdom and heroic qualities necessary to become champions of justice.
Each member hails from a different corner of the world:
A year ago Star caused considerable controversy when she used her fame as a heroine to launch a singing career, despite her complete lack of talent. But many of the GP have similar sidelines going, whether Maple Leaf’s line of motivational videos or La Sola’s swimsuit calendars or Rising Sun’s brief career as a J-pop singer. The fact is the Global Protectors are not shy about trading their celebrity status for a quick buck. As Star herself says, "The high tech HQ, supersonic jets, all that superhero stuff costs money y’know!"
But the GP are more than just pretty faces. These girls pack a lot of punch. The Global Protectors have the powers of super strength, invulnerability and flight. Their bodies are always in perfect physical condition (as anyone who bought La Sola’s calendar will testify), their senses are sharper than normal, and they recover from injuries much faster than normal humans.
Unfortunately their powers are tied to their physical state. If they grew tired or injured their powers rapidly decline until they are no stronger than ordinary women. (A fact many villains had discovered to their delight.)
The team’s official costume is a strapless leotard in the colors of each heroine’s flag complimented with a pair of matching boots. On their arms they wear bracelets (concealing sophisticated communicators) and around their necks are metal chokers (concealing a powerful GPS locator).
Watch out Avenging League of Justice and Ex-Titans! With their powers, their looks and their state-of-the-art equipment the Global Protectors are on their way towards becoming the greatest superhero team in the world!
Part 1 – Shamrock’s Saturday
Often called ‘the quiet Protector’ Shamrock rarely does interviews or puts out merchandise. Her only projects have been a calendar for the ASPCA and a book of Gaelic poetry. Though she has few fans compared to some of the other Protectors, this sensitive redheaded Irish lass has some of the most loyal.
(From The Big Book of Superheroes and Heroines – 2004 Edition)
Shannon O’Sullivan shook her head and snarled at the alarm clock. How could it be seven o’clock already? After pulling monitor duty from five to midnight she’d spent the rest of Friday night working on her English lit paper for Megapolis Community College. She hadn’t climbed into bed till after 3 and now here it was another day.
Yuk.
But delaying wouldn’t help matters so she wearily climbed out of bed and pulled her white cotton nightgown off over her head. Clad only in her panties the Irish heroine stretched for a few minutes to help wake up. As she cracked her back she took a good look at herself in the mirror. She looked at her large green eyes, her long trim legs, her small but firm breasts and her long red hair. In spite of herself she smiled, it was a wicked thought but she did look beautiful.
‘I’d bet all the guys want me…’ a voice in her head whispered. ‘I could have, three, or even four boyfriends at once if I wanted…’ But then she shook her head, she knew it just wasn’t true. The other girls on the team, they could find boys but Shamrock knew she had no luck when it came to love.
She put on a tee shirt and some sweat pants and started her morning. After a quick breakfast she vacuumed her small apartment, watered her plants and took a long, hot shower.
Stepping out of the shower she finally put on her costume. She really didn’t like the new Global Protectors uniform. The colors and the design are great and she was glad she didn’t have to wear thigh-high boots any more, but since they switched to these strapless tops the elastic was always pinching her breasts, the seat was cut so high everyone could see her butt cheeks but most of all she hate how exposed it made her feel.
Why did being a superheroine mean flying around in your underwear? Why can’t we fight crime fully dressed?
But she knew it was a pointless argument whenever she brought it up Maple Leaf just rolled her eyes and ignored her. So Shamrock put up with it. After all, this shameful outfit was a small price to pay for all the people she helped.
Besides (the naughty part of her added) she did look gorgeous in it.
***
When she arrived at the Global Protectors’ headquarters in the Gaea building she couldn’t help but notice two members were missing. Star, the blond American, was always late so that didn’t bother her but her friend Aussie Girl was also missing. Aussie Girl had joined the same time as Shamrock and they were both always on time. The two youngest members had always been the most eager.
But before she could ask, Maple Leaf banged her gavel and started the meeting.
"Good morning everyone and thank you for coming here on time." As she said that Star strode in ignoring the bitter stares from the rest of the team. "Most of you at least." Maple Leaf added under her breath.
"I want to start with a wrap-up of yesterday’s battle with the psychic vampire named…" Maple Leaf winced "named, uh, Draino."
The other girls giggled.
"Draino? Does he sneak into your house and unclog the pipes?"
"Were all the real villain names taken?"
"I hear he teamed up with Roto-Router!"
"Girls, girls, I didn’t name him ay? And believe it or not he is a deadly threat." Maple Leaf activated her Power Point presentation of the previous day’s battle.
"As you can see he can absorb our psychokinetic energy fields leaving him stronger and leaving us powerless." Power Point showed Aussie Girl held in a headlock by the glowing 9’ man. Another slide showed he mauling her breasts. Another showed him pulling off her costume. The next showed Draino reaching for his jockey shorts.
Maple Leaf skipped through the next few slides too fast for anyone to see.
"So, um, he caught Aussie Girl OK? Once Valkyrie and I arrive we were able to capture him…" the slide showed Maple Leaf using two telephone poles like chopsticks to hold the villain in the air while Valkyrie lassoed him with high tension wire.
"… but at a terrible price." The slide showed a nude Aussie Girl lying unconscious on the ground.
Valkyrie, the team’s scientist, continued "I took Aussie Girl back to my lab and examined her. She regained consciousness in a few hours but seems to have lost her powers. She decided to take a leave of absence and has gone back to see her family in Australia. She will come back when, or if, her powers return."
Shamrock let out a quiet moan. "Poor Aussie…"
"Thank you Val, I know we are all shocked and saddened by this, which is why I purchased a Hallmark card for us to send." Maple Leaf held up a card with a picture of Jean Gray saying ‘Sorry you lost your powers’. "I’ll pass it around so we can all sign it."
"With AG out of the picture I’ve had to reshuffle the schedule a bit. Let’s see… here it is… Shamrock, you’ll be taking her monitor duty shifts on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and next Saturday. Friday you’ll take her place on sewer patrol looking for those mutant alligators."
"But… but… I have a paper due… and I’m supposed to volunteer at the soup kitchen…can’t someone else take at least one of her…"
"Now, I hear you but this is a team and we all have to pitch in sometimes. You do know there is no ‘I’ in team Shamrock, don’t you? Don’t you?"
"I… I… but…"
Maple Leaf glared at the younger girl and Shamrock squirmed in her seat. Her teammates suddenly found interesting things to look at on the wall or on the tabletop. Shamrock gave up.
"No Maple Leaf, I mean yes, I mean there’s no ‘I’ in team."
"That’s right. Now that that’s settled, Aussie Girl was also supposed to attend the millionaire Neptune Aqua’s black-tie party tonight and obviously she can’t do that. I have a fund-raiser in San Francisco tonight so I’m out, Valkyrie?"
"Sorry, Rising Sun and I are helping the FBI transport Draino to the secure facility in Nome Alaska."
"Right, right, Star?"
The American looked up from filing her nails. "Sorry boss lady, I’m on SNL tonight, new album comes out next week."
"Of course… we’re all looking forward to it I’m sure. Tigress I guess you’ll have to cover it then…"
"Tonight is impossible. I am flying to Kenya to hunt the mysterious Predator Alien who had been attacking our villages."
"Hmm, OK then. La Sola you’re already scheduled for monitor duty tonight and we need someone to represent us at that party so Shamrock…"
Shamrock smiled eagerly…
"… I want you to cover her shift and La Sola will go to the party."
The Irish Girl’s face fell.
"If there’s no other business I’ll be leaving, I have to get a massage and a facial before my fund-raiser tonight."
***
Outside the meeting room La Sola hurried to catch up with her Irish friend. "Hermanita" she said, using Spanish so the readers would not forget she is from Argentina "I feel so bad for you, Maple Leaf can be so cruel, are you OK?"
Shamrock quickly wiped a tear from her eye, hoping La Sola would not notice it. "No… no… I’m fine, really, I like monitor duty, it’s so important, all those people counting on me…" She tried to fake a smile but failed miserably.
La Sola looked out the window and saw Maple Leaf was already flying away. She smiled.
"Listen, hermanita why don’t we switch, I’ll do monitor duty and you go to the party tonight."
"No, you go, I really don’t want to anyway…"
"Ai-yi-yi Shamrock, to tell the truth I don’t even want to go. Those stupid parties with the gourmet food and beautiful dresses and handsome men and gorgeous mansions and riding in a limousine, so much trouble, so much work." Carmen happily noticed her Irish friend was turning green with envy. "Why I would have to get a manicure and a pedicure and a facial and put on my formal costume. It is so much trouble. I cannot stand it. I just want a quiet evening watching the monitors."
"Really? You mean it? You want me to go?"
"Si! Please, please go instead of me."
"OH CARMEN! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! Do I really get to wear my formal costume? I’ve never even worn it except for my fitting, and can I ride in the Rolls Royce? Really?"
"Of course, of course, come my dear, I will be more than happy to help you get ready…"
***
And so that evening, the shyest member of the Global Protectors headed for her first formal event. Shamrock emerged from the GP’s white Rolls Royce before Neptune Aqua’s fifty-million-dollar estate. She was wearing the formal costume La Sola had designed for the team. The gown made the young heroine look like she was wearing more clothing than usual but in fact reviled at least as much as her usual outfit. The skimpy leotard was replaced with a floor-length gown that was slit up to the hips to expose Shamrock’s long shapely legs. Her shoulders were bare and the gown dipped down her back almost to the crack of her butt. The front was cut low enough on her breasts it seemed they would pop out the minute she took a deep breath.
Like her costume, the gown was green, white and gold with a row of shamrocks running from her left hip to her left breast. Her curly red hair was up, held in place by silver tiara with small emerald shamrock in the center. A small bracelet studded with cubic zirconiums concealed her communicator and GPS locator. On her feet were two high-heeled open-toed white shoes with small shamrocks on the heel spikes and on her hands were two long white gloves. Shamrock could not stop beaming; she looked like a princess in this outfit. She felt like a princess.
It felt strange being driven to the estate when she could have flown, but flying would have messed up her hair, and after 4 hours in the salon she did not want to risk that. Luckily the team had the Rolls and a driver for events like this.
She walked up the stairs to Neptune Aqua’s estate trying to remember everything La Sola had told her. Aqua was a multi-millionaire who had made his fortune designing underwater installations for the navy and for scientists. His mansion in Megapolis was right on the shore of Lake Morrison and included a tunnel to his own underwater facility in the center of the lake. Tonight he was going to show off his new project, a space station he had designed. Tons of important people would be there and Shamrock’s job was to represent the Global Protectors and try to make important friends who could help the team. Normally she hated this sort of thing but she was so happy to be going, and felt so glamorous she was ready for anything.
A butler opened the doors for her and she walked into the blue marble ballroom. The room was full of men in tuxedoes and women in beautiful gowns, there was a string quartet playing in the corner and some people were waltzing! And as she was walking in someone called out: "Allow me to introduce Lady Shamrock, superheroine from the Global Protectors". Shamrock giggled, it was like a dream!
But the dream ended pretty fast.
***
"Hi, my name is Shamrock, I’m from the Global Protectors…"
"The Global who? Honey have you heard of them?"
"Yes dear, they’re some sort of superheroes I believe, one of them was in Playboy last year."
"Oh, so you’re that kind of woman."
"But, but, that was La Sola, I wasn’t in Playboy…"
***
"Hi, my name is Shamrock, I’m from the Global Protectors…"
"Global Protectors? Is that an environmental group?"
"No, no, we’re a team of international superheroines dedicated to-"
"I don’t like environmentalists much, bunch of dirty hippies I say."
"But…"
***
"Hi, my name is Shamrock, I’m not an environmentalist and I’ve never been in Playboy, I’m a superheroine from the Global Protectors…"
"Superhero ay? I met one of your friends once, the one called Nightbat, he came crashing through my window, broke it and a dozen priceless vases. Never so much as said sorry or offered to pay for them, just ran out to fight one of those villains you people are always quarreling with."
"I’m sorry."
"Haven’t you people ever tried to sit down and reason with those villains? I mean it seems to me they’re just misunderstood, victims of society I say."
"Um…"
***
"Hi, my name is Shamrock, I’m uh, sort of a superhero, kind of…"
"Are you Irish? Yes that accent is unmistakable. I used to have a factory in Ireland, before the cocaine bust. That was a bad episode let me tell you…"
"Right, I uh, have to go talk to that guy now, maybe later."
***
"Hi, um, my name is…"
"Names do not matter my pretty flower, you do not need to know mine, and I do not need to hear yours, come I know of a private bedroom upstairs where we can make love while these fools prattle on like old hens."
"I uh, have to go."
***
So Shamrock found herself alone by the punchbowl looking at the grandfather clock against the wall. Two more hours until she could leave! She wished she could tear off this silly dress now and go home but La Sola had told her she had to stay till the end. Shamrock just hoped she wouldn’t cry. Why were all these people so mean? This was almost as bad as the last party Shamrock went to, at least this time she hadn’t fallen in love with any demons from hell…
Then someone tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped, half expecting it to be some guard or something here to throw her out for being lame and stupid and not knowing what to say.
But it wasn’t.
He was a tall man; 6’2" dressed in a tailored black tux that showed off his wide shoulders. When he smiled she almost swooned. "My name is Stock, James Stock, I am with Lloyd’s of London."
His voice was so manly. Some sort of upper class British accent but with a hint of a Scottish accent in the voice. He wasn’t Shamrock’s usual type (she held a grudge against the British for what they had done to Ireland) but on him is sounded so good.
"H-hi, my name is, um, Shamrock, I’m with-"
"Ah yes, with the Global Protectors of course, I should have recognized you straight away! Let me tell you I have long admired your work, the world would be a better place if more women were like you."
Shamrock blushed and tried to think of an answer but then the host Neptune Aqua arrived on the balcony and began to speak.
***
"Ladies and Gentlemen, dear friends, I am honored to see you all here tonight for the unveiling of NEW ATLANTIS!"
Neptune was a large man, in his 50’s with graying hair and a thick beard. Behind him stood his assistant Medusa Gorgon and his bodyguard Kraken, a 7’ cyborg with a metal jaw. Cleverly concealed holographic projectors activated showing a computer image of Neptune’s new space station.
"After tonight New Atlantis will be fully functional, her powerful solar mirror will be used to reflect and concentrate sunlight onto the Earth’s surface giving us all a source of limitless solar energy!"
The guests (except the ones in the oil industry) applauded.
"In fact, after this very party I will travel by my personal space shuttle to activate New Atlantis! So now let me join the party to celebrate, what you might call, my last night on Earth!"
The guests laughed at his wit and the host joined the party.
***
When Neptune was done speaking Shamrock turned back to her companion but found he was gone. She caught a brief glimpse of James Stock slipping through one of the back doors that lead to the private section of the mansion.
"I’d better follow" she muttered "because he’s gorgeous, I mean because he might get in trouble…"
She went through the door after him and caught sight of him opening a door at the end of the hall and ducking down some stairs. When she reached the door she found it had been locked but someone had cut the lock open with a laser! "Weird, why would a British insurance agent have a laser?"
Creeping down the concrete stairs Shamrock found her high heels too noisy and took them off. Holding the shoes in one hand she continued after him. The stairs went down some way, five or six stories she figured. With her improved hearing she could still catch James moving below her, but he was very quiet. She doubted an ordinary human would hear anything. When he reached the bottom of the stairs she heard him test a lock and then she heard the unmistakable hiss of a laser.
"He must be some sort of supervillain," she thought. "Probably here to steal the plans for the space station! Damn Brits, can’t trust them, first they steal Irish land now they steal Neptune’s space station. If I catch him Neptune will thank me, and then Maple Leaf will have to send me to more parties! And, of course, I’ll have made the world a safer place too."
***
The Irish heroine hurried down the stairs as fast as she could without slipping in her bare feet. She turned the last corner just as James cut through the lock and opened the door. Beyond the door was a round tunnel leading along the bottom of the lake. It was transparent allowing her to see piles of trash and rusting cars that line the bottom of Lake Morrison. Ahead she could see the domes of Neptune Aqua’s underwater base.
James started to walk down the tunnel and Shamrock decided to act.
"Stop right there Mr. Stock. If you take another step, I’ll rip your leg off!"
He stopped and put his hands up. Shamrock felt so proud, for a minute there she sounded almost as scary as Tigress. She had to suppress the urge to giggle.
"This is a terrible misunderstanding." Stock said as he turned around.
"I don’t think so Mister. Let’s just have a little talk with Mr. Aqua and see what he has to say to you."
"I didn’t know the Global Protectors worked for his kind."
"We fight to protect the innocent from thieves like you, now keep your hands where I can see them, or… or I’ll tear your arms off and hit you with them!"
Shamrock heard footsteps behind her as Kraken and several security guards arrived. The guards were all carrying UZIs which Shamrock thought was a bit extreme but maybe it made sense when no-goods like James Stock were running around.
"Don’t worry, see I caught him already all by my-"
"Kill them both." Kraken called out mechanically.
A hail of bullets headed for the two partygoers. Shamrock’s training took over and she threw herself in the way letting her psychokinetic field absorb the shots, protecting the man behind her. Then she charged the gunmen crushing their barrels and hitting them just hard enough to knock them out but not hard enough to kill them.
But James Stock was far from helpless. He easily dodged the few bullets that got past the Irish heroine then he disarmed one guard with a quick shot from his Rolex laser and tranquilized another with a dart launched from his Monte Blanc pen. With Shamrock’s efforts that left only Kraken still on his feet.
The cyborg henchman swung a steel claw at Shamrock catching her off-guard and knocking her against the wall. Stock fired another dart but it bounced harmlessly off the cyborg’s steel jaw, a shot from the watch laser burned him but did no permanent damage. Then it was too late; the cyborg caught him in a bearhug.
"I-I see you're as affectionate as ever Kraken…" Stock tried to quip but his voice was already sounding pained.
"It is nice to see you again Mr. Stock. Remember Istanbul? This time I will make sure you are dead. Ha. Ha. Ha."
Desperately Stock worked one hand free and raised it to his mouth. He bit off his gold cufflink and spat into Kraken’s open mouth. The cyborg tried to spit it back but it was too late, the tiny grenade went off inside him and the cyborg crumpled to the ground.
"Istanbul? I always preferred Constantinople myself." James quipped.
He bent over the stunned heroine helping her to her feet.
"I am sorry Miss Shamrock, I should have told you the truth, I don’t actually work for Lloyd’s of London, in fact I am a member of Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Agent 014."
"Oh James" she moaned "I’m so sorry I doubted you."
"Quite all right. We believe that Neptune’s space station is actually a solar laser that will melt the polar icecaps."
"But that would flood the whole world!" Shamrock cried, demonstrating her mastery of environmental science.
"Exactly! And the only people who would survive would be those who could pay to live in Neptune’s underwater habitats!" Stock replied boiling down the plot to a three-line synopsis.
"We have to stop him!"
"Yes, yes I suppose we do, but first perhaps you should take a second to compose yourself…"
"What? Oh!" Shamrock noticed that her breasts had popped out of the dress and quickly tucked them back in.
***
Together they ran down the corridor towards Neptune’s base. Over the loudspeakers they heard a countdown start.
"T-minus ten minutes."
"If we don’t stop that shuttle Neptune Aqua will destroy the entire world!"
"We have just ten minutes to save the world from an insane millionaire who wants to destroy the world to sell more products? It seems so insane, like a bad 60s movie!"
"Oh Shamrock you’d be surprised how often this happens, why just last week I stopped a millionaire media baron from starting World War III to increase his news network's ratings. But I guess all this intelligence work must seem pretty tame compared to being a superheroine."
"Oh you’d be surprised, a lot of it is getting knocked unconscious, getting tied up, getting mind controlled, it really gets pretty repetitive after a while."
"I guess the grass is always greener eh?" He gave her a crooked grin and she smiled back. He wasn’t half-bad for a limey bastard.
The underwater passage ended in a sealed steel door. Shamrock got ready to smash it but Stock stopped her and quickly opened the electronic lock with an electromagnetic pulse from his tie clip.
What? Of course he was wearing his EMP tie clip! How else could he open electronic locks?
So the British secret agent and Irish superheroine entered the launch base with only minutes to stop the billionaire from destroying the entire world when…
"Oh James, I feel so dizzy…"
"I have been known to have that effect on woman," he said flashing his crooked grin.
"No… I mean really dizzy…" Shamrock stumbled into his arms. As he was enjoying the feeling of her breasts pressing against him Stock noticed for the first time that he was a little dizzy himself.
"Gas!" he cried dropping the half-conscious girl to the floor.
"Oh James… save me…"
"Have to find my gas mask!" He pulled out his cell phone ("No that’s a supercomputer/submachine gun"), his cigar case ("Grappling hook and first aid kit"), his wallet ("Handcuffs and night-vision"), his key chain (body armor) and finally his cigarette lighter (nuclear weapon disarming kit). Finally just as he was passing out he remembered it was his comb that was really a gas mask, but by then it was much too late…
***
"Oh…" Shamrock moaned as she woke up. She was lying next to James chained to a steel slab directly under the engines of Neptune’s personal space shuttle. Stock’s eyes also snapped open attracting the attention of the evil billionaire and his beautiful assistant Medusa Gorgon.
"Good morning Mr. Stock, I hope you slept well!"
"I did but you must do something about these beds, it feels as hard as steel."
"Ha-ha-ha yes Mr. Stock I have heard of your legendary wit. But it seems you well soon be in the hot seat." Steam came down from the engines to emphasize the point.
"Do you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr. Stock, I expect you to fry!"
"Uh…" Stock came up blank.
"Enjoy your final moments together young lovers, you have five minutes before the engines of my personal space shuttle destroy you both!"
"But… we’re not even going out…I mean he’s OK looking but honestly I just met him and I’m not some, some, bad girl who kisses every guy she meets…"
"Uh, right, whatever. Farewell!"
And so Neptune and Medusa walked away leaving the two to their fate.
***
Moments later the shuttle’s engines fired flooding the room with superheated gases hot enough to melt steel and incinerate any trace of your two heroes. The shuttle climbed out of the concealed launch pad and ascended high over Megapolis. Soon the shuttle gracefully pulled into orbit around the Earth heading for its rendezvous with the New Atlantis station.
In the cockpit Neptune and Medusa sat side-by-side expertly operating the controls as they headed for the space station.
"Mr. Aqua, I don’t mean to question your leadership but I don’t really understand why we couldn’t just shoot them."
"What? That’s insane, how could we be sure we killed them then? By leaving them unguarded in an inescapable deathtrap we can be 100% sure they get killed, but if we just shoot them they might actually live."
"I guess…"
"Miss Gorgon although you have mastered 17 different martial arts (including Greco-Roman Wrestling) and are qualified marksman and a trained astronaut…"
"I also have three PhDs."
"…you still are not qualified to be a criminal mastermind so please trust me when I say there is no way James Stock and his bimbo are alive. You have my word on it."
Suddenly behind him a voice booms out!
"I wouldn’t put much ‘stock’ in your word Neptune!"
Neptune turned and gasped! There was James Stock and Shamrock posed in the cockpit door, him pointing his automatic; Shamrock draped across his body as her long red hair floated around her head weightlessly.
"James Stock and wasshername? Inconceivable!"
"Wasshername? Did he just call me wasshername?"
"Not now Shamrock, the main characters are talking."
"But I’m the main character! My name is in the title!"
"Huh? I thought this was James Stock in The World’s Tomorrow Does Not Die Enough?"
"No, this is called Shamrock’s Saturday, it’s supposed to be about me…"
"Well you’ll have to take that up with the author. In answer to your question Mr. Neptune, it was a simple matter for me to use my watch laser, or tie clip EMP, or monofilliment handkerchief or some damn thing to cut the chains and then use my supercomputer cell phone to crack the pass code on your shuttle’s hatch and slip into the cargo hold undetected as the shuttle launched."
"Incredible! No wonder they call you agent oh-fourteen, you’re twice as smart as double-o-seven!"
"I’ve always thought so."
"Hey! That’s not what happened! I broke the chains with my super strength and flew us in through a hatch!"
"Quiet Shamrock. Now Mr. Aqua, let’s hear why you’re doing this."
"I suppose it can’t do any harm. You see Mr. Stock, twenty million years ago life as we know emerged from the seas onto dry land. Since then the human race has polluted and destroyed our precious mother Earth until there is no hope but to destroy it all and start anew. Perhaps the next species to settle land will show our loving Mother more respect."
"Neptune you fiend!"
"A fiend? Why yes, I am. In fact Mr. Stock, do you even know who I really am?" Neptune reached for his neck and pulled off his latex mask showing his true face scared and bald with one glass eye.
"Nikoli Doynikiv, KGB!"
"Yes Mr. Stock, I am really Nikoli Doynikiv of the KGB, and it will be I who destroys your decadent capitalist society!"
"Wait, James, this is just dumb, I mean this was a stupid plan when we figured he was doing this to sell more underwater habitats. But that whole eco-terrorist thing is even worse, it’s like so 1993! And the KGB thing? Hello! The Berlin wall came down 15 years ago, how can we take that seriously? And I don’t think Nikoli Doynikiv is even a real Russian name, it sounds like something made up to sound Russian. Aren’t any of your villains remotely believable?"
"What? And your supervillians are better? Mad scientists, serial killers, alien warlords? Give me a break!"
Neptune nodded to Medusa and together they took advantage of the two champions' quarrel. Neptune flicked his wrist causing a knife to appear in his hand and sprang at Stock.
"Well at least when I fight villains I’m fully clothed… most of the time… I mean-WHAT THE DEVIL?"
The impact knocked Stock loose from his position at the door and carried the two back into the cargo hold. The suave agent and villainous billionaire battled floating in mid air for several minutes until they were distracted by events elsewhere…
Medusa had leapt at Shamrock using her mastery of Russian Zero-G combat and entangled herself with Shamrock’s arms, legs and body. Then she switched to the ancient Brazilian art of Erotic Catfighting. Shamrock had already found her super strength was useless without any leverage and now was unable to use her flying power with Medusa’s leg rubbing between hers, long delicate fingers caressing her flanks, causing all sorts of distracting sensations.
"Oh!" The Irish lass cried as Medusa licked her breasts and gently stroked certain pressure points on her back. The sensual rubbing between her legs filled the inexperienced innocent young heroine with pleasure, reducing her to putty in Medusa’s hands. "Please…" she muttered, long suppressed feelings coming to the fore.
Medusa was happy to oblige, pulling Shamrock’s dress down with her teeth and applying her attention to the girl’s sensitive nipples.
"Well…" muttered Neptune.
"I say…" agreed Stock.
Unfortunately Medusa had underestimated the effect of a superpowered orgasm.
Shamrock suddenly went rigid, arced her back and cried out "YES!" The force of her convulsion shot Medusa across the room, colliding with Neptune and carrying both of them into a conveniently placed container of liquid nitrogen.
"NO! It cannot be!" Neptune yelled as the case broke open covering them both with the frozen gas freezing them both and petrifying their bodies.
"How ironic" Stock observed, "Medusa was turned into a statue."
Shamrock’s exposed breasts were still heaving when he turned and pulled up her top. "There, there Shamrock, good show. Couldn’t have done it without you."
"Huh?" the dazed girl asked, "what happened…"
"I guess you could say she suddenly became frigid!"
***
Meanwhile back at the Gaea Building La Sola’s monitor duty shift is finally ending. The Argentine bombshell stretched and said hi to Rising Sun as she returned from Alaska.
"La Sola! I thought Shamrock would be on duty?"
"Oh I switched and let her go to the party, the poor girl hardly ever gets to go to events anymore, Maple Leaf is so mean to her."
"Well I suppose she’s still mad about that demon from hell…"
"Oh that could happen to any of us."
"I guess… Anything interesting on the monitors?"
"Let’s see, Ultra Man and Ultra Woman are busy repelling an invasion from Dimension X, British Intelligence blew up a space station over the Arctic, Tigress landed safely in Kenya, that’s about it. Oh! I think there’s something wrong with Shamrock’s GPS locator. It was saying she’s in planetary orbit."
"Hmm, yes, now it’s saying she’s in Tahiti. There must be software bug, I’ll take a look at it tonight."
"OK, see you later Kisume!"
"Thanks, good night Carmen!"
***
And on a small island off of Tahiti…
The shuttle floated almost peacefully in the lagoon. After activating New Atlantis’ self-destruct system James Stock had landed safely on the far side of the world, coincidentally near a beautiful deserted tropical island. The hatch opened and a ramp extended to the white sandy beach. Shamrock climbed out. Her dress was dirty and wrinkled after the night’s adventure, her hair mussed and her high heels long gone. Stock climbed out behind her. He hit a button on his cummerbund and his tuxedo was instantly cleaned and pressed, his shoes polished and his hair combed.
"Oh James, where are we?"
"I believe my dear we are on a deserted island near Tahiti."
"Tahiti!? Oh no, I have to get back to Megapolis, I have to take a monitor duty shift at 9!" The Irish girl turned to James and offered to shake his hand. "Thank you for your help Mr. Stock, I have to get going but I hope we meet again."
"Going so soon? I don’t think we’re finished yet. In fact, I don’t think we’ve even seen the climax, well not together anyway."
"Huh?" Shamrock asked innocently. "I mean, I mean, we beat Neptune, we blew up the space station, we got home safe… what’s left?" Seeing the look in his eye the shy girl took a step back.
"Only the main event my dear."
"The main event? I, I don’t… what do you-" Stock cut off the heroine with a long deep kiss. When he finally let her up for air…
"Oh James… I mean, do you want to? Here? Now? Shouldn’t we get to know each other before we-"
He cut her off, kissing her again and reaching behind her to unclasp her dress and slide it to the sand below.
"Oh James… take me now, you noble stallion" she moaned.
Stock nodded and maneuvered the willing girl to the warm sand.
***
Later…
"Oh James" the girl moaned softly stroking his manly chest hair. "That was wonderful…"
"Yes, yes I suppose it was. You weren’t half bad yourself Four Leaf Clover."
"Shamrock."
"Right, that’s what I meant."
"James? There’s something I was wondering…"
"I know, I’m wondering the same thing, can a man really go ten times in a single night, but there’s only one way to find out."
"Uh, besides that, I was thinking, now that we’re engaged practically, I mean you just have to get me the ring really, not that I care about that stuff. Anyway do you want to have the wedding in Ireland or England? I guess either one is doable since they’re so close, which just leaves the question of children, I want to name the first girl after my mother and the second girl after my grandma… James? James? Where are you?"
Shamrock rose to her feet wrapping James’ tuxedo coat around her bare body and looked for her one true love. She heard something in the clearing behind her, running out she saw James Stock handing from a cable below a Harrier jump jet.
"So sorry Shamrock, I uh, have to go, Her Majesty needs me and all that. I’ll call you!" He turned to the pilot. "Quick get me away from this bitch before she suffocates me!"
"But…but… our wedding?"
Shamrock stood there for a while watching the jet disappear into the sky and realized that there would be no wedding.
"ARG! Men are pigs!" She tore off his jacket and stomped on it a few times. Then she gathered up her sandy dress and started wondering how the heck she could get home.